RTW: Mashup Dialogue

Road Trip Wednesday is a weekly blog carnival hosted by YA Highway. This week's topic is: Pick two of your favorite YA characters and write a dialogue between them.

I knew who I would pick. I knew exactly what the scene would be.
But. I can't write it.

There's no way I can recreate these two characters myself and write this imaginary dialogue. No. Freaking. Way. Each half of this pair is remarkable for his/her quick wit, hilarious dialect, general exuberance, impressive resourcefulness, sharp intelligence, and heart.

I will tell you who the characters are:
Tiny Cooper (of Will Grayson, Will Grayson), who does frenetic things like:
“After Tiny has tried ballerina pose, swing-batter-batter pose, pump-up-the-jam pose, and top-of-the-mountain-sound-of-music pose in the reflection of the bean, he walks us to a bench overlooking Lake Shore Drive.” 
and says things like:
“You may choose your song, but know this: Tiny. Cooper. Hates. Over. The. Rainbow.” 
Taylor Renee Krystal Hawkins (of Beauty Queens), who said things like:
"And we pray that, as we are fine, upstandin', law-abidin' girls who represent the best of the best, you will protect us from harm and keep us safe until we are rescued and can tell our story to People magazine. Amen." 
and:
"Ladies! Ladies! My stars! That's enough. Now. We all know Miss Arkansas's girls are fake, miss Ohio's easier than making cereal, and Miss Montana's dress is something my blind meemaw would wear to bingo night. And Miss New Mexico -- aren't you from the chill-out state? Maybe you can channel up some new-age-Whole-Foods-incense calm right about now, because we have a big job ahead called staying alive.”

And the scene is the two of them trying to co-direct a beauty pageant.
Can you imagine it?!
I feel like it can only end in a glitter fight.

Followed by a reconciliation and a rousing song and dance number.
Someone who is adept at fan fic--please! Write this dialogue.

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