It took me a while before I realized that in my writing I was largely ignoring four of them. All the details were visual, visual, visual--and therefore tiresome, tiresome, tiresome. So I started making myself fill out a little post-it note checklist before writing a sensory-loaded scene:
What is my protagonist:
seeing?
tasting?
hearing?
smelling?
touching?
I mean, duh, right? Yet it's amazing how priming yourself changes the way you write description though. A visuals-only passage like this: Collette saw the hazy outline of a ghost tease her from the corner of the dim hallway. She slammed her door shut and locked it, then planted herself in a chair to watch and make sure the handle didn't jiggle.
Can become a sensory bonanza like this: From inside her doorway, Collette caught a whiff of lavender and patchouli. She gripped the worn edges of the doorway as she leaned her head out to check the hall. She heard only the clock ticking to her left (and the thrum of her heartbeat in her ears). Then she saw the hazy outline of a ghost tease her from the corner of the dim hallway. Collette slammed her door shut and frantically locked it, slicing her fingertip on the sharp edge of the lock. She planted herself in a chair to watch the handle, to make sure it didn't jiggle. Sticking her bleeding finger in her mouth as she waited, the taste of her own blood creeped Collette out even more.
(Disclaimer: Not from a WIP. I wrote that after midnight and a glass of wine last night. It shows.)
Not to say the second example is better--it may just be longer. As a Hemingway fan, I am well aware that sometimes less description is better. However, describing all five senses to start has gotten me thinking about everything the character is experiencing in the scene, and perhaps one of those senses will come to dominate the visual as I revise.
How do you incorporate all the senses into your writing?
12 comments:
Points to you for the best post title! :-)
Great example of how using all the senses can put you there in the scene with the character...maybe I need a checklist too.
Good example! The sliced fingertip was especially effective ^_^
Awesome example! I went to this amazing SCBWI workshop a while back where one of the speakers said she did something very similar. Put yourself in that place and ask those questions. It's amazing what happens when you do that.
And I'm a Hemingway fan too. Sometimes less is more.
Love Hemingway!
I'm so bad about descriptions in first drafts - one of my friends likened my last WIP to a play b/c there was so much dialog and so little anything else. I think I need a check-list, too!
Great post! I don't think using a variety of senses automatically means flowery prose - I think it's more a matter of substituting smell for sight or taste for touch some of the time. It can still be sparse writing (that's how I write, too, generally!).
Nice! Oooh, don't forget that ghosts make the air cold! Yeah, I tend to overload on visual details. But, there's a reason we read books instead of watching movies and I think part of that reason is because of the level of involvement we can get with a book - helped by including more sensory information. Neat examples!
I tend to overload on sensory details in first drafts, but then my Hemingway kicks in and I cut a lot. Perhaps too much, because I was getting complaints that my character was hard to connect with because the reader never knew what she was feeling.
Jumping in to say I totally agree that sensory variety automatically means purple prose! I think I have a bad habit of conflating the two, though.
great post! and if that's the least creepy "five senses" picture you found, i'm definitely not looking online for any others. *fear*
Great example. I think in story as a whole, there should be a good amount of each senes, though that doesn't have to mean they're all present in each description. I don't mind if a paragraph is all visual and then we get sound or taste or some other sense later in the chapter. I think it also has a lot to do with what the character would be experiencing at the time. In a showdown with the villain, when the character's running for her life, she may not pay attention to taste or smell, just sight and hearing.
I have to agree with Laurel: best RTW title.
Nice example! If anything, when you end up with a paragraph of description that's too long, you can choose the best parts and delete the rest.
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